I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
