The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
