Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
