Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
