Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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