I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
