I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
