i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I came so hard my ears popped.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
