Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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