Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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