I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I didn't notice because vodka
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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