There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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