4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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