i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
