Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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