I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
