Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
