I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
