He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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