peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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