So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
