Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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