I think i sorta joined a cult last night
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
