I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
