TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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