you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
