i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
