Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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