we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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