Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
