her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
