Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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