remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
