Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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