I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
