I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
