kristin has been a bad kristin
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
