dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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