why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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