i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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