i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
