I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
