today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
