he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
