Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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