i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
