I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
