I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Your tits are I can't wait for
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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