I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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