My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
