RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i think i have herpe
just one?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
