I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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