What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
