I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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