if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just pee around me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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