I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So squirting runs in the family.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
