Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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