There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
