Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
