in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
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do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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