i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
