Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
