Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
