I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
