Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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