I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
