Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
