just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
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I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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