i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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