Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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